2006-07-06

Another afternoon of randomness

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Phew…seems like anniversary excitement got to me!...that is if excitement can cause a sore throat and fever *sigh*…but of course it has to be the dreadful heat outside! Stifling and uncomfortable! By evening I was all aches and pains. We visited our doc when Rajiv got home from work and got some medicines. I can’t wait for the rains to get to Delhi and this miserable weather to end. I hope all the rains don’t get exhausted by the time they reach the northern plains…been watching all the havoc its caused in Maharashtra, Gujarat…and although it’s quite a pathetic state of affairs, I can’t help but envy the whole lot of rains these states are getting!

Here I am sick and upset with all this and with two thoughts running simultaneously in my head. I figured its best to just write what’s on my mind rather than a well thought out post!

Don’t you feel that the older we get the more obstinate we seem to become! Our ideas seem set in one direction…we form opinions…we argue to prove our point. But the last thing we seem to be doing is…Learn! Life is the biggest teacher and living through happiness and sadness is the way I learn about myself. I learn about people around me.

There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed with so called “tough” and “difficult” situations. I think I can’t go on the way I am. That nothing in life is worth the kind of pain and hurt I might feel at that point of time. That’s how despondent and hopeless I feel at times.

But I am not one to be bogged down by negativity all the time. I know that two days are never alike. And most of all I know that I am the only one who can make a difference in my life…If I fail to help myself, then it really doesn’t matter what anyone does or says to make me feel better!

Like I said in a post before… “Tough times don’t last! Tough people do!”…simple right?

Some one with a very negative frame of mind prompted the above…some one who seems to have forgotten how to be happy with him/herself…some one who matters a lot to me and who I seem to be failing to get through to….some one who in my times of distress got the smile back on my face…

*sigh* … moving on to the other thing(s) on my mind…

Don’t you feel life is also a lot about impressions? For instance, what would your impression of me be? Just by reading the posts in my blog? Just by reading one or a few? I guess a lot of people, who read my blog, believe that if someone…anyone had the patience to read all my posts in all my blogs, they would get a fairly decent idea of who I am.

Well, almost! A lot of what I write is well thought out too. A lot of what I want to say is left unsaid too. Sometimes I could be writing with an idea of how certain people might react…I’m human after all or maybe a better term would be…a social animal?! How people perceive me matters! At the same time a plain fact also is, I find it very difficult to lie. I could maybe withhold facts and not share the truth (for a reason) but when confronted, I wouldn’t be able to avoid telling the truth…not really sure if that’s a plus point or a minus!

A lot of people have this set idea about a woman who’s married and has a kid…hmmmm…and a stay at home mom. They also have a very interesting impression of married women in the virtual world. What is that you ask? Well, that question would warrant a whole new post! Some other time maybe…

As for me personally, I’ve got the following reaction from a lot of people who get to know me in the course of a conversation (real or virtual) … they go, “I never thought u would be like this!!” Okkk!!…like what did u think I was anyway…huh? And what do u think I am now?? Hmmmm? And honestly, I’ve met some truly wonderful people online but a whole lot more…ummm…to put it mildly, “sick” & “weird” people. Guess many of you would say the same…it’s not very different for most women anyway. Maybe for men too…I wouldn’t know…

Well, the Gemini in me is terribly bored and thinking the above thoughts (a true Gemini will always have two or more things on her mind and I always live up to that, don’t I!). It’s a rather dull and ordinary day outside and I have other things I could write about and sound a lil bit more interesting…but then I just wanted to get this out of my system…my blog, my space right?

Till next time…

ps: The song playing is Sheryl Crow’s “Run baby Run”….*sigh* something I’d like to do….run away from dull afternoons…from this sick feeling…from boredom…from hot hot days….!!

oh...and thank you all for the lovely wishes on our anniversary :-)...had us smiling yesterday:-)

Read a poem I wrote "Parties..."

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